I woke up at 1:00 am, like a goddamn champ, Friday morning and camped out in front of the Ed Hardy store on the corner of Reed and Blanton across from the Chili's. Although there were still at least thirty people ahead of me, and it was so cold the urine froze inside my bladder, it was completely worth it. I got all my daughters done in one day with the Ed Hardy three for one skirt sale. Each skirt matches one of my daughters personalities. Check these out:
This one is for my daughter Adrienne because she's the poet in the family.
She writes poems and prints them out on fancy paper from AC Moore. They're friggin' beautiful! So that's why I got her the skirt that says, "Love Kills Slowly", because that's poetry right there. I wish my own words conveyed half the beauty Mr. Hardy's does.
See what Ed Hardy did here is genius. He took something scary (skull) and combined it with something not scary (roses). This is called juxtaposition. That's like taking a grizzly bear and putting a human baby in it's mouth. They offset one another and make you think. Why is the baby in the bear's mouth? And then the answer dawns on you: Society. See? Makes you think. My daughter Gianna likes to think, so this one's for her.
This one I got for Franchessca because I can never understand what the hell she's talking about and I couldn't understand what this was a picture of so that seemed perfect.
This is a rare E. Hardy release for my daughter Raquel. Part of the infamous "TATTOO" line, the story behind this design is that originally it had a picture of a tiger with the body of a mermaid wrapped around an anchor with a rose behind it that was giving birth to a baby Velociraptor swinging a samurai sword. Underneath it said, "Teach a man to fish", but at the last minute he decided to get rid of all that and just let his name say it all....."ED".
Very classy sir.
This one is for my daughter Mimi. I don't know her that well, but I figured this skirt would give us something to talk about.
Brittany gets this one because according to the Japanese, tigers represent
invincibility. And if any of my daughters is gonna live forever, it'll be Brittany because all she eats is Luna bars. Those things are packed with vitamins and essential girl hormones. If you're a chick, I suggest buying in bulk.
Jennette gets this one to wear on Sundays' when she teaches CCD.
The rest of my daughters are getting ten month gift certificates to Hollywood tans. And I got my wife some heels and a new beach chair with the entire cast of "Twilight" on it.
Anybody get any deals like mine? Better ones, or...?